Category: Wellness

Categories
Family Productivity Relationships Smartphones Social Media Technology Wellness

Instead of Screen Shame, Let’s Talk Screen Sense

“And every person there had their face stuck in a screen!” The last word always rings with a special condemnation.

Photo Credit: rawpixel.com

“… and all she did was stare at her phone the whole time!”

The vitriol can get pretty heated in some quarters, coming in dark looks and blasts of righteous fury that our grandparents’ media never received.

You’ve heard similar comments. Reading between the lines, they suggest that screen time is wasted time, that to use one’s phone is to be obsessed with nonsense or to be hopelessly oblivious to the real world. As people look into their black mirrors—be it a mobile device, tablet, laptop, or television — they’re trading down.

Don’t Misunderstand

Now don’t mishear me or assume you know where I’m going here. This piece is not an unqualified green light for screens at the expense of all human interaction and relationship.

I believe it’s critically important to be fully present and invested in the lives of the human beings around us. There are times to put phones away, and sensible boundaries must be drawn to protect relationships. My family observes device-free dinners, and I don’t take my phone into the bedroom at night. I’ve been known to leave my phone at home when headed out for a family time or date night.

We’re doing the next generation a great disservice if we model an always on, always connected, screens-over-people lifestyle.

The Digital World IS the World

That said, the fact is that the digital world has become our world. Our relationship with screens is not some passing fad — it’s here to stay. Those of us that rely on devices for work may interact intermittently with screens throughout most or all of our waking days. And as we move forward, screen time will only continue to grow in ways that we cannot fully imagine or understand today.

Some of the apps that I spend the most time on each day, like Google Drive and Docs, are only a dozen years old. Where will we be in another dozen years? None of us can predict with certainty. What we do know with certainty is that digital technology and the infrastructure that supports it keeps improving. Your next phone will likely live on a 5G network, for example.

But wait — I’m not done.

Not Acceptance by Inevitability

The point here is not to simply throw our hands in the air and accept the onslaught of screens saying “See, we had no choice!” This is not a message of resigned acceptance by inevitability.

The deeper point to be made here is that screen time is more complex, more nuanced than we would like it to be.

By nature, we gravitate toward simple explanations of life. That’s why black and white dichotomies are so popular.

Here’s one you’ve heard: book time = good, screen time = bad.

Put under closer scrutiny, that rule just doesn’t hold any water. Reading a book can be a wonderful, intellectually stimulating act. Yet it can also be socially isolating and strictly consumptive. Depending on the content (as online), the effect can also be as morally corrupting or mind-numbing as any other medium (think Mein Kampf).

Is reading a book time well spent? As it turns out, the answer depends on context and content.

Screen Complexity

And so it is with screen time. It comes in many shades and varieties of value and virtue. Creation is different than consumption, interaction is different than isolation, and function is different than addiction. But all can happen on screens.

In any given day, I use screens to journal, set goals, check calendar events, read scripture, evaluate student work, plan lessons, write articles, edit audio recordings, publish podcasts, engage with other educators, message family and friends, read and write emails, manage shopping lists, order coffee, book reservations, record great quotes, take and share notes, listen to podcasts, manage finances, track my fitness, FaceTime my parents, follow the news, record photos and video, enjoy movies with my family, read books, and on and on I could go.

I’ve got to be real with you here. Even as I browsed my devices to compile that list, I had to fight the screen guilt. Which is kind of funny, but not.

Because when I scan that list of activities — far from an inclusive list, mind you — there’s nothing there that I would change. There’s nothing on that list that’s addictive, destructive, or damaging. It’s just what my life looks like in 2018. In fact, many of those activities actually facilitate some of my life’s most meaningful moments, achievements, and relationships.

Screen time conversations are never easy. As spouses, parents, friends, educators, and leaders, we must make thoughtful decisions around technology — for ourselves and often for others — on a daily basis.

Screen Guilt is Not the Solution

Whatever choices we make, living in a constantly conflicted state of guilt about screen time cannot be the solution. Instead, it’s about using screens strategically: creating more than consuming, connecting more than isolating, educating more than entertaining. It’s about deploying technology to strengthen our communities instead of weakening them, and building relationships instead of destroying.

It’s about living with screens judiciously. Transparently. Unapologetically.

Because it’s not about screen shame. It’s about screen sense.

Categories
Lifestyle Productivity Routines Wellness

Soul Sabbath: Finding Restorative Practices on Days Off

I’m engaging intentionally in rituals that revitalize my spirit.

Whether our work schedules are full-time, part-time, Monday through Friday, shift cycles, homemaker, or solopreneur, our bodies and minds require therapeutic rituals of restoration. We ignore this reality at our peril.

There are times when we all wish we had the endurance and tenacity of machines. When life’s realities confront us and we feel the plates of responsibility slipping, our response can be — like Boxer in George Orwell’s Animal Farm — “I will work harder.”

I will get up earlier, go to bed earlier, allow myself fewer moments of wasteful leisure, invest more in relationships, and just generally dig deeper to put every waking moment to productive use.

And yet, when we systematically deny ourselves opportunities for rest and rejuvenation, this approach inevitably fails. Sleep deficits start to accumulate. Stresses build. Our tempers grow short and our bodies succumb to illness.

As the fog of physical and mental fatigue sets in, our decisions become more irrational and selfish, and we lose the emotional margin required to invest with passion and energy in the people and priorities dearest to us.

We’ve all been there.

It’s from these experiences that I’ve learned to craft the sorts of cathartic experiences that my spirit needs each weekend. No, my weekends don’t perfectly resemble the strict adherence to sabbath instructed in the Abrahamic religions, but in my way I’m paying respect to the core principles of sabbath-keeping that these faiths advise and I believe our bodies and minds require.

With that said, here are some of the revitalizing Saturday rituals that most resonate with me. Some are small, some are more significant, but all contribute to a process of spiritual healing and rejuvenation that puts me in a good position for another week of productive work. My hope is that one or more of these may plant in you a seed of inspiration that leads to more life and catharsis in your days off as well.

  • Friday family fun nights. My weekend starts with spending quality time as a family. This might look like dinner at Chipotle, a walk at the beach or by the river, and a board game or movie (with Mom’s awesome popcorn, of course). The formula can be simple, but it’s the time together that counts.
  • Saturday morning sleep-in and reading. This is the one morning of the week that I can afford to sleep in until 8 or 9. Rather than launch immediately out of bed, this first hour is a great opportunity to lazily read my Kindle and cuddle with my partner. Both are wonderful.
  • Bakery and Starbucks. This family tradition is only a couple months old, but I like it a lot. By late Saturday morning, the four of us walk to a neighborhood bakery for fresh Italian flatbread and then hang out at our local Starbucks. This is what Gordon Neufeld calls “collecting” — the idea of emotionally connecting with our boys before we begin our own activities of the day. With a Pike in hand and feeling well-slept, I’m in the mood to chill for sure.
  • Family chores. No, our housework list doesn’t look like rest from a distance. But as I make the bed, fold and sort laundry, tidy up belongings, file papers, collect garbage, and clean our three bathrooms, I get into a very settled and centered headspace. While I’m doing these tasks, the rest of the family is doing their parts to clean every floor and surface of our home as well. It’s a house reset that satisfies.
  • Audio bliss. During all of my sorting and scrubbing, I’m listening to great audio content that I missed during the week: scripture, education podcasts, productivity podcasts, and even YouTube videos I’ve bookmarked on my ‘Watch Later’ list. If I can do some learning and growing while brushing a toilet bowl, that’s a win.
  • Purging. I try to take a few minutes each Saturday to perform a few simplifying activities. I might rid myself of a clothing item, a phone app that I no longer use, or a DVD that I haven’t watched in years. These activities only take a couple of minutes but are oddly satisfying. One of the hidden rewards of this ritual is that I’m forced to take stock of what I do have and inevitably rediscover some treasures in the process.
  • Date time. Saturday nights are dedicated to keeping the fires of love burning! Date Night often includes Happy Hour at our favorite restaurant, some financial budgeting, calendar updates, long-term planning, and decision-making. Once these gnarly but important bits are done, we try to go for a walk together — outdoors, weather permitting.
  • Chill time. Saturday is really our one guilt-free Netflix session of the week. Although it’s a challenge for my wife and I to find a title we’re both interested in seeing sometimes — our Netflix profiles are ridiculously different — we can usually find a compromise and enjoy some screen time together. Some Saturdays, we spend late-night wine time with other couples and build relationships in cozy living rooms — every bit as good as Netflix.
  • Sexy times. Ha, let’s face it — we all wish we could have more of these. If you’re in a committed relationship, you know the connecting quality that only physical intimacy can provide. If it’s not happening on the weekends or your valuable days off, it may not be happening at all. My wife and I value our relationship too much to let that happen. Thus, weekends = magic.
  • Worship. The restful elements of my weekend are capped on Sunday mornings by awesome times of worship with my family and church community — perhaps the most life-giving ritual of all. We pray, sing, reflect, learn, encourage, laugh, talk, and build relationships. As we leave the neighborhood school facility that houses our faith community, my heart is always full and encouraged.

Once this worship time is over, I’m immediately back into work mode: publishing my latest episode of the Teachers on Fire podcast, responding to emails, evaluating student work, planning for the school week ahead, studying for my Master’s degree, and any number of other workish activities that get caught up in the swirl of life. It’s fully game on.

Rest time is over … but if all of these restorative practices are behind me, I’m feeling fully emotionally, physically, and spiritually charged and ready to go.

Where are you on this business of recharging? Do you set aside time for cathartic practices on your days off, or do such moments prove elusive in the face of competing priorities? Do you have a life-giving ritual on your days off work that you would recommend? Let me know in the comments below.

Categories
Goal Setting Goals Productivity Self-Actualization Wellness

You Hate New Year’s Resolutions Because You’re Doing Them Wrong

There’s one part of SMART goals that still doesn’t get enough love.

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“80% of New Year’s resolutions fail by February.”

“Only 8% of New Year’s resolutions are successful.”

Like me, you’ve heard these depressing and oft-repeated statistics. Quite possibly, you’ve joined the ranks of the intellectually enlightened who scoff at the naivete of annual resolution-making rituals and pragmatically embrace their deficiencies instead.

And then there are some among us whose hatred of New Year’s resolutions seems almost visceral. The mere mention of resolutions is enough to produce a scowl of disgust and a healthy rant to boot.

Why all the hate?

I believe the main reason is that at one time or another, these cynics tried setting resolutions themselves. Lose weight. Work out more. Save more money. Spend more time with family. Be a better human being.

At the outset of these resolutions, there was hope. There was optimism. There was the promise of real and lasting change. Often, the resolutions were announced with fervent passion and great fanfare to family and friends.

And then inevitably, the resolutions failed. Old habits crept back in. Resolve weakened. And before they knew it, the ways of December had returned.

Disappointment, humiliation, and frustration followed. So, like a jilted lover, these resolution-makers vowed “Never again.” Never again will I set myself up for such personal disappointment or public humiliation. Never again will I waste time with this foolishness.

I can’t fail if I don’t attempt, goes the subconscious logic. It’s a form of emotional self-defense. It’s what Carol Dweck calls the fixed mindset, when we allow the fear of failure to prevent growth.

I have good news for these doubters, however. The good news is that New Year’s Resolutions can and do work. You only hate them because you’re doing them wrong.

“If you aim at nothing, you will hit it every time.” — Zig Ziglar

A quick note on semantics. If you’re a resolution hater, try replacing resolutions with goals. For some, resolutions are more easily associated with the sorts of vague, nebulous platitudes that inevitably end in failure, while goals align better with targeted, specific growth or change.

Now that we’re clear on language, we need to address the most underrated and yet most powerful part of goal-setting: numbers.

You’ve likely heard of SMART goals, so let’s begin there. You’ve heard that effective goals must be:

  • Specific
  • Measurable
  • Achievable
  • Realistic & Relevant
  • Time Limited

It’s a fantastic formula, and I do believe each piece of that formula is critical. Yet there’s one bullet that — based on personal experience — dwarfs the other four in importance.

Measurable is EVERYTHING.

If your goal doesn’t have a number in it, it’s worthless. If you have no way to quantify your goal or check for success at the end of your timeline, you are literally wasting brainpower even thinking about it.

I believe this needs to be shouted from the rooftops. Stop wasting your time setting goals — any goals — that don’t contain numbers.

Instead, set goals that are measurable, quantifiable, empirical. Start obsessing about data. Track your life in every area that’s important to you.

To show you what I mean and how I’m applying this, here are some of my measurable goals for 2018:

  • Financial: Reduce the amount owing on our HELOC by 25%. (End of February: +10%.)
  • Marital: Complete 36 ‘State of the Union’ update discussions with my wife in 2018. (End of February: 6/36.)
  • Paternal: Complete 12 monthly stepdad summits. (End of February: 2/12.)
  • Physical: Complete 45 push-ups in one set. (End of February: 35.) Earn a time of under 50 minutes in a 10 kilometer run on April 22nd. (Result to come.) Work out at Anytime Fitness 156 times. (End of February: 26/156.) Run a total of 156 km. (End of February: 9.8/156 km.) Record less than 120/80 BP. (End of February: 125/86 was best reading.)
  • Professional: Complete year 1 of MEdL degree. (End of February: 7/12 months completed.)
  • Self-Improvement: Finish reading 12 books. (End of February: 1/12.) Purge 52 items of clothing. (End of February: 8/52.) Complete 52 bedtime journal entries. (End of February: 25/52.) Write and publish 52 blog posts. (End of February: 6/52.)
  • Social: Complete 10 father-son conference calls. (End of February: 2/10.)

I lay out all of these goals and more in a spreadsheet, and now check these goals more often than I have in five years of following the practice. They keep me grounded, focused, and motivated. I press on in each of these areas partly because I can see progress. I feel momentum. I see reasons to be encouraged.

Think back to some of the classic New Year’s resolutions we’ve all set for ourselves in the past. Lose weight. Get in better shape. Save more money. Spend more time with family. Be a better human being.

Those goals have little chance of success because they’re difficult to track. You’re not going to stay motivated to make better choices for 365 days based on eat healthier. But you ARE going to stay motivated so long as you can measure and track incremental progress.

So start journaling everything. Obsess with data. Take five minutes each morning and update your life’s activity in all the areas that matter. And I promise that you’ll see results like you’ve never seen before.

There’s no time like the present to stop hating resolutions. Embrace goal-setting with all you’re worth. And if you care about success, make them measurable.