Tag: Wellness

Categories
Gaming Lifestyle Productivity Relationships

Why I Don’t Game

Confessions of a would-be gaming addict.

I love gaming. Whether they’re on my phone, my computer, or on gaming consoles made for TV, video games can be a fun, fantastic escape.

But at this point in my life, I don’t play them. At all.

Now, don’t get me wrong. This is not a self-congratulatory piece about how perfectly I spend my time. Like most of us, I have other vices — social media and Netflix being two of them.

So why the hard line on gaming?

First, let me take you on a nostalgic tour of some of my favorite gaming relationships from my distant and not-so-distant past.

Digger (1980s)

The earliest example of complete seduction by gaming that I can think of goes back to a computer game called Digger, released in 1983 by Windmill Software. I used to play it on so-called portable computers — much too large to be called laptops — that my dad brought home from work.

Digger was a Pacman-like game that involved collecting emeralds while avoiding goblins. Although simple in concept, the speed, difficulty, and intensity of the game grew with each passing level. Every time I lost my last Digger life, I began a new game with deepened resolve to improve on my best score and level.

Digger was released by Windmill Software in 1983

I could and would play Digger for hours if my parents allowed me to. 30 years after playing it, I remember the theme song and sounds of Digger like it was yesterday.

World of Warcraft (1990s)

I remember playing World of Warcraft II on desktop computers in the late 90s, during my university years. Now over 20 years old, this game from Blizzard Entertainment was a leader for its time.

When I played World of Warcraft, I was completely and utterly immersed in the game. I mean, I didn’t move, I didn’t snack, I didn’t think about anything else. My eyes darted here and there across the blue screen for hours as the mouse clicked away with constant urgency. I was all in.

As I recall them, games lasted anywhere between 1–2 hours. Inevitably, my civilization would be destroyed by another, stronger force. Dismayed, but convinced I could avoid the strategic errors of the game before, I would often start a new game and repeat the same thing all over again.

On such occasions I would typically stay up too late, defer important work, and avoid the company of others just to keep playing Warcraft.

Clash of Clans and Clash Royale (2010s)

Even in recent years, gaming has pulled me briefly into its vortex, this time on my phone. I jumped on the Clash of Clans and Clash Royale games from Supercell and found them both tremendously entertaining. These games are free to download and offer intense, competitive gameplay.

I knew I had problems with each of these games when I began paying for in-app purchases (paying real money for upgrades in resources or levels). Even worse, I found myself retreating from human company so that I could play. I was even tempted to check in on my games while at work.

Games Aren’t The Same for Everyone

This piece is not to say that gaming is morally wrong or carries some sinister power in itself. I recognize that many people enjoy a healthy and measured relationship with gaming that doesn’t encroach on more important values and priorities. But for me, the accumulation of small warning signs makes a too-compelling case to avoid games altogether.

A Losing Deal

Here, then, are the main reasons why I don’t game today.

  • The addictive quality. For me, gaming can become all-consuming in ways that other screen-related vices can’t. Your experience may be very different, but even the few and fun examples I’ve shared here reveal the compulsive power of games for me. These compulsive behaviors are typically followed by denial, dishonesty, and random disappearances — all strong signals of personal dysfunction.
  • The emotional crash. Have you noticed the irritation you face when you try to pull a gamer away from their games? Gaming tends to have that effect: it offers a nice high of stimulation but is often followed by lingering dissatisfaction. Any parent that asks gaming children to put away devices and get ready for bed is familiar with the snarly reception that can follow. I know the emotional letdown of putting the games away because I’ve lived it many times myself. It’s something I am simply a better man without.
  • The terrible return on time. Even vices like Netflix can expand my thinking or inspire imagination, and social media interactions can positively contribute to authentic human relationships. But in my experience, gaming contributes absolutely nothing of value to my life. Maybe it’s just because I’m getting older, but ROT (return on time) has become more important to me. Gaming is simply a bad deal.
  • Create> Consume. Just over a year ago, I decided to create more content. To take more risks. To be more vulnerable. To read more, write more, record more, publish more. And it’s been an exciting, growing, learning, and life-giving experience to do exactly that.

In stark contrast, I see gaming as the antithesis of learning, growth, and content creation. Instead of creating, it only consumes. Instead of enlightening my mind, it immerses me in a meaningless fog. Instead of contribution to community, gaming demands infinite time, energy, and resources.

Today, the choice is simple. I just don’t game at all. It’s not the conclusion everyone will or should reach.

But it’s the right path for me.

How does my journey with gaming compare with yours? If you’ve ever felt the pull of gaming, I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.

Categories
Lifestyle Productivity Routines Wellness

Soul Sabbath: Finding Restorative Practices on Days Off

I’m engaging intentionally in rituals that revitalize my spirit.

Whether our work schedules are full-time, part-time, Monday through Friday, shift cycles, homemaker, or solopreneur, our bodies and minds require therapeutic rituals of restoration. We ignore this reality at our peril.

There are times when we all wish we had the endurance and tenacity of machines. When life’s realities confront us and we feel the plates of responsibility slipping, our response can be — like Boxer in George Orwell’s Animal Farm — “I will work harder.”

I will get up earlier, go to bed earlier, allow myself fewer moments of wasteful leisure, invest more in relationships, and just generally dig deeper to put every waking moment to productive use.

And yet, when we systematically deny ourselves opportunities for rest and rejuvenation, this approach inevitably fails. Sleep deficits start to accumulate. Stresses build. Our tempers grow short and our bodies succumb to illness.

As the fog of physical and mental fatigue sets in, our decisions become more irrational and selfish, and we lose the emotional margin required to invest with passion and energy in the people and priorities dearest to us.

We’ve all been there.

It’s from these experiences that I’ve learned to craft the sorts of cathartic experiences that my spirit needs each weekend. No, my weekends don’t perfectly resemble the strict adherence to sabbath instructed in the Abrahamic religions, but in my way I’m paying respect to the core principles of sabbath-keeping that these faiths advise and I believe our bodies and minds require.

With that said, here are some of the revitalizing Saturday rituals that most resonate with me. Some are small, some are more significant, but all contribute to a process of spiritual healing and rejuvenation that puts me in a good position for another week of productive work. My hope is that one or more of these may plant in you a seed of inspiration that leads to more life and catharsis in your days off as well.

  • Friday family fun nights. My weekend starts with spending quality time as a family. This might look like dinner at Chipotle, a walk at the beach or by the river, and a board game or movie (with Mom’s awesome popcorn, of course). The formula can be simple, but it’s the time together that counts.
  • Saturday morning sleep-in and reading. This is the one morning of the week that I can afford to sleep in until 8 or 9. Rather than launch immediately out of bed, this first hour is a great opportunity to lazily read my Kindle and cuddle with my partner. Both are wonderful.
  • Bakery and Starbucks. This family tradition is only a couple months old, but I like it a lot. By late Saturday morning, the four of us walk to a neighborhood bakery for fresh Italian flatbread and then hang out at our local Starbucks. This is what Gordon Neufeld calls “collecting” — the idea of emotionally connecting with our boys before we begin our own activities of the day. With a Pike in hand and feeling well-slept, I’m in the mood to chill for sure.
  • Family chores. No, our housework list doesn’t look like rest from a distance. But as I make the bed, fold and sort laundry, tidy up belongings, file papers, collect garbage, and clean our three bathrooms, I get into a very settled and centered headspace. While I’m doing these tasks, the rest of the family is doing their parts to clean every floor and surface of our home as well. It’s a house reset that satisfies.
  • Audio bliss. During all of my sorting and scrubbing, I’m listening to great audio content that I missed during the week: scripture, education podcasts, productivity podcasts, and even YouTube videos I’ve bookmarked on my ‘Watch Later’ list. If I can do some learning and growing while brushing a toilet bowl, that’s a win.
  • Purging. I try to take a few minutes each Saturday to perform a few simplifying activities. I might rid myself of a clothing item, a phone app that I no longer use, or a DVD that I haven’t watched in years. These activities only take a couple of minutes but are oddly satisfying. One of the hidden rewards of this ritual is that I’m forced to take stock of what I do have and inevitably rediscover some treasures in the process.
  • Date time. Saturday nights are dedicated to keeping the fires of love burning! Date Night often includes Happy Hour at our favorite restaurant, some financial budgeting, calendar updates, long-term planning, and decision-making. Once these gnarly but important bits are done, we try to go for a walk together — outdoors, weather permitting.
  • Chill time. Saturday is really our one guilt-free Netflix session of the week. Although it’s a challenge for my wife and I to find a title we’re both interested in seeing sometimes — our Netflix profiles are ridiculously different — we can usually find a compromise and enjoy some screen time together. Some Saturdays, we spend late-night wine time with other couples and build relationships in cozy living rooms — every bit as good as Netflix.
  • Sexy times. Ha, let’s face it — we all wish we could have more of these. If you’re in a committed relationship, you know the connecting quality that only physical intimacy can provide. If it’s not happening on the weekends or your valuable days off, it may not be happening at all. My wife and I value our relationship too much to let that happen. Thus, weekends = magic.
  • Worship. The restful elements of my weekend are capped on Sunday mornings by awesome times of worship with my family and church community — perhaps the most life-giving ritual of all. We pray, sing, reflect, learn, encourage, laugh, talk, and build relationships. As we leave the neighborhood school facility that houses our faith community, my heart is always full and encouraged.

Once this worship time is over, I’m immediately back into work mode: publishing my latest episode of the Teachers on Fire podcast, responding to emails, evaluating student work, planning for the school week ahead, studying for my Master’s degree, and any number of other workish activities that get caught up in the swirl of life. It’s fully game on.

Rest time is over … but if all of these restorative practices are behind me, I’m feeling fully emotionally, physically, and spiritually charged and ready to go.

Where are you on this business of recharging? Do you set aside time for cathartic practices on your days off, or do such moments prove elusive in the face of competing priorities? Do you have a life-giving ritual on your days off work that you would recommend? Let me know in the comments below.

Categories
Goals Mindset Morning Routines Self-Actualization

9 Daily Actions That Create Greater Self-Actualization

Some day. Some day very soon, we like to tell ourselves.

Some day soon I will pull it all together. I’ll invest in the relationships that matter most. I’ll journal and meditate. I’ll set clear goals every morning. I’ll read the books I’ve been meaning to read. I’ll get into great shape and eat better. I’ll brush up on that musical instrument. I’ll start to write, design, and create things of beauty or utility that others will value.

Some day very soon. Just as soon as life settles down and becomes a little more manageable, I’ll make my move. And it’ll be awesome.

Yet, if we’re honest, we know what comes next. Life doesn’t slow down, and it doesn’t become more manageable. Or if it does, another challenge appears on the horizon. Family obligations increase. Work pressures loom. Health issues complicate.

The prerequisite state of equilibrium that we demand before we move forward has been disrupted again, and ‘some day’ remains as elusive as ever. All the future tense talk that friends and family hear from us about all the great initiatives on the way remains just that. Talk.

The reality is that ideas and intentions are absolutely worthless. The only thing that counts, that makes an impact, that produces real results and lasting legacy is action. That’s it.

Everyone dreams. Everyone has a concept — however vague or ill-defined — of their best life and best self. But sadly, this maximal manifestation of one’s passions, abilities, and creative energies just never takes shape for most people.

It’s not for lack of vision. And it’s not for lack of desire. The reasons we don’t step out and express our truest passions and purpose usually amount to uncertainty and fear — fear that the changes we want and the achievements we imagine are just too difficult and overwhelming.

We fear the failure that might follow the shock of a giant leap or an abrupt change in life direction. And so our fear keeps us in a state of paralysis by analysis. And nothing changes. Nothing happens.

We fail to see that the only thing lacking is simply action — any action at all. We miss the fact that even tiny, daily habits represent momentum and progress in the right direction. Taken over time, things start happening.

Impressive Progress Can Happen in Small Increments

One of the biggest lessons I learned in 2017 was the incredible power of incremental progress. Fueled by influencers like Brendon Burchard, Tom Karadza, and Brian Buffini, I finally understood that some of my life’s most precious dreams and ambitions would never be realized until I started to actually invest in them every single day.

“How you spend your days is how you spend your life.” — John Lee Dumas

The idea that each day is actually a microcosm of my life really got my attention. I had all these visions for change, for growth, for things I wanted to accomplish across the grand narrative of my life. But if they weren’t showing up in my day to day, they weren’t showing up in my life. That was a brutal reality check.

And so, in 2017 I decided to make intentional growth and greater self-actualization a goal of every day. The results have been gradual, steady, and ultimately transformative. What follows is a sampling of what happened … and continues to happen for me on a daily basis.

9 Daily Actions that Build Progress Toward Self-Actualization

  1. Journaling and Meditation. Through handwritten journaling, meditation, and prayer for just 15 minutes a day, I feel more spiritually connected and centred than ever.
  2. Goal Setting. By taking two minutes each morning to set big goals for the day, every day feels more focused and intentional.
  3. Creative Writing. Always a joy but rarely a reality in years gone by, I now push myself to write at least 100+ words a day. By lowering the bar from an essay to a paragraph, I’m now producing more written content than ever before.
  4. Working Out. By visiting a gym close to my house for just 25 minutes every workday morning, I’ve never been fitter or stronger. It doesn’t require an hour for me to break a wicked sweat and push my body to the max. Quick and efficient is the new name of my exercise game.
  5. Eating Better = -3 +2. Besides cutting out three of my vices (chips, fries, and sugary drinks), I’ve given myself a small and simple daily eating challenge: eat two green things. The first is usually the kale or spinach that goes into my morning smoothie, so finding a second green food somewhere in my day is relatively easy. By subtracting three items and intentionally adding two, I’m now leaner and meaner than ever. Instead of subscribing to some paradigm-shifting diet plan, I’m just taking a few small steps in the right direction. And I’m 12 pounds down from last year.
  6. Side Hustle Income. Although this is definitely not a passion project, my goal is to list or mail at least one item on eBay per day. This simple 5-minute activity keeps a few extra bucks flowing our way. It’s surprisingly encouraging and motivating.
  7. Piano Practice. My parents gave me the option to quit my lessons at age 15 or so, and predictably I’ve lived to regret it ever since. By learning and practising just one piece for a few minutes each day, I’m warming up that old muscle memory and reigniting an old passion.
  8. Reading. Every night, I make sure I read for at least a few minutes from two books on my Kindle: the first a book for my Master’s program, the second a work of fiction. By making sure this happens every night — even if it’s just a few pages from each — I’m staying solidly on track with my degree and projecting an all-time personal best for number of books finished in a year.
  9. Eyeball Time. Since Apple claimed FaceTime as its own, I use ‘Eyeball Time’ to refer to the kind of quality screen-free time required every day to cultivate intimate and meaningful relationships with my wife and stepsons. As a result, we fight hard to protect the weekday dinner hour and bedtime from screens. It’s not a ton of time. But it’s the minimum needed to keep the most important relationships in my life healthy and vibrant. If I’m not making progress on this front, nothing else matters.

Between my marriage, two adolescent stepsons, my teaching career, and Master’s studies, I’ve got a lot on my plate right now. In past seasons of life, I’d have seen this as reason enough to put my hours on cruise control, dissolving into Netflix at each day’s end and waking up lazily to the snooze button.

“So many choices to make today. And each choice I make … makes me.” — John Stackhouse

But I’ve spent enough of my life on meaningless distractions and diversions — as Jim Gaffigan so elegantly describes it, the McDonald’s of life — waiting for conditions to ripen, the waves to calm, the proverbial dust to settle perfectly before taking action and realizing my full potential as a human being.

Those days are over. I’ve discovered the exhilarating power of daily progress— the truth that small actions, taken over time, have the power to yield truly transformative results. And I can’t wait to see what’s in store.