Start a Weekly Connect Time

In Our Top Ten Marriage Hacks, I mentioned the importance of setting aside some time for a weekly meeting with your marriage partner. Getting on the same page with calendars, money, decisions, and vision for the future doesn’t always happen by accident. It takes intentional planning.

Based on our current lives, Sunday nights after the kids are in bed tend to be the best times to make Connect Time materialize. It might be another day or time for you, but let me encourage you to give this Connect Time agenda a try. It’s not sexy or fun, and you’ll never feel like doing it when it’s 9:00 p.m. and you’re feeling tired. But just like going to the gym, it’s a decision that you never regret.

Here it is: our weekly Connect Time agenda.

1. Financial Review.

We look at the balance of every one of our accounts and carefully update our current spending in every budget category for the month. Do we need to rein things in on restaurants? Can we afford any more clothes this month? How will we pay for the trip to the Island in a few weeks? Are we hitting our savings or debt reduction goals? There’s no way to overstate the value of being on the same financial page.

2. Preview the Week.

She’s going out with her sister on Tuesday night. I’m picking up the boys on Friday. The boys have a band concert on Thursday. When you leave all this stuff ’til the day of, it inevitably creates frustration. Once you figure out that differing expectations are one of the chief sources of stress in marriage, you’ll see the value of syncing calendars (for us, this means sharing our Google Calendars) and having this weekly discussion. Just like money, time is a commodity that must be managed with care for the other.

3. Plan Friday Family Nights.

Actually sitting down to set this in motion in advance a) raises anticipation for the family and b) improves the quality of the activity. One of our best Friday Family Nights this year was when I set up a game of Sardines – just the way I used to play it back in my old youth group days. I talked up the game all week but refused to tell the boys exactly what it was. Once Friday night rolled around and we actually played Sardines, the boys ate it up. It was a memorable night.

4. Plan the next Saturday Date Night.

Thanks to some amazing grandparents who take our kiddos for a weekly sleepover on Saturdays, we usually have a designated date night. As with Family Nights, advance planning tends to produce better outcomes here.

5. Plan the Next Double Date.

Let’s face it: most couples have full calendars. Texting “You guys up for something tonight?” to friends at the last minute doesn’t usually produce what you might hope. Our best double date so far this year was planned over a month in advance. Make the investments you need to in order to nurture supportive relationships outside of the marriage.

6. Discuss Relevant Items.

Whether it’s reviewing the family policy on sleepovers, revising the boys’ screen time, or considering a major purchase, we discuss everything else that matters to us here. We keep a live agenda in a Google Doc that we can both contribute to throughout the week. That way, issues that are worthy of thoughtful discussion don’t get continually ignored or pushed to the periphery by the business of life.

7. Prayer Time.

My wife and I share a faith in Jesus. Although this won’t apply to everyone, praying together is an opportunity to surrender issues to God, seek his leading, and get on the same spiritual page. It’s powerful and rewarding.

There you have it – our weekly Connect Time Agenda. If you found any of this helpful or objectionable, I’d love to hear about it. Please comment below.